Need a good laugh? 🚨
You’re under arrest… for having zero sense of humor until now!
Whether you’re a fan of witty one-liners, pun-filled punchlines, or just looking to break the ice with some lighthearted fun, this collection of police jokes is here to serve and protect your mood.
From donut gags to siren-worthy sarcasm, these jokes will have you laughing so hard you might just need backup.
Perfect for sharing with friends, coworkers, or even your favorite officer—because humor is the best law enforcement!
Funny Police Jokes 🚓😆
- Why did the cop go to therapy? Because he was arresting his feelings! 🧠
- What do police use to clean their uniforms? Copious amounts of detergent! 🧼
- Why did the officer sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time! ⏰
- How do cops stay in shape? They do under-cover workouts! 💪
- Why was the cop always calm? He had great arresting techniques. 🧘
Police Jokes in Urdu (پولیس کے اردو لطیفے) 🇵🇰😂
- پولیس والا: تم نے سیٹ بیلٹ کیوں نہیں پہنی؟ 🤨 ڈرائیور: سر! وہ بیلٹ صرف ریسلنگ میں اچھی لگتی ہے! 😂
- ملزم: میں بے گناہ ہوں! پولیس: تو ہم مذاق میں پکڑ لائے ہیں؟ 😏
- پولیس: تیز چل رہے ہو؟ بندہ: نہیں سر، بس قسمت ہی تیز ہے! 😆
- پولیس آفیسر: تم نے ماسک کیوں نہیں پہنا؟ شخص: چہرہ اتنا خطرناک ہے، کیا کافی نہیں؟ 😷
- پولیس والا: نام؟ شخص: نام میں کیا رکھا ہے، جرم بتاؤں؟ 🤣
Police Jokes Dirty 😈🚓
- Why did the cop bring handcuffs on a date? Just in case it got serious. 😏
- She said she liked uniforms… so I arrested her attention! 😜
- The officer said, “Anything you say can be used against you.” So I whispered, “boobs.” 😅
- Why did the officer write a ticket at the strip club? Too many unlicensed performances! 👮♂️💃
- What’s a cop’s favorite pickup line? “You’re under a-rest… of my heart!” ❤️🚓
Short Police Jokes 🔍
- Cop: “License?” Driver: “Dog ate it.” 🐶
- Police love donuts. It’s their undercover fuel! 🍩
- Why do cops carry red pens? In case they want to draw their weapon. 🖊️🔫
- What do you call a cop in bed? Undercover! 🛏️
- Who polices the police? Their wives. 😆
Short Police Jokes for Adults 👨👩👧👦
- My speeding ticket came with a donut coupon. 🍩 + 🧾
- I told the cop I was rushing home to watch “Cops.” Irony didn’t help. 📺
- Officer: “You drinking?” Me: “Only water, officer… with grapes and yeast.” 🍷
- I asked the cop if I could go. He said, “You’re free to go… to jail!” 😄
- Cop humor is the only thing arresting about them. 😎
Police Jokes One Liners 📢
- I fight crime… by staying home. 🛋️
- Cops don’t need GPS; they follow suspicious turns. 🗺️
- Sirens: Nature’s way of saying “pull over!” 🚨
- Backup means another cop to watch you eat. 🍕
- Arrested development—literally. 👶🚓
Police Jokes for Adults 🧑⚖️
- That cop had a badge and no sense of humor. Deadly combo. 😑
- I asked if I was speeding. Officer said, “You broke the sound barrier.” 🏎️
- The only Miranda I know is my GPS voice. 📡
- He told me I had the right to remain silent… I didn’t. 🎙️
- I said “Hi” and got charged with disturbing the peace. 😅
Police Jokes for Kids 🧒👮
- Why did the police play baseball? They love catching! ⚾
- What’s a cop’s favorite color? Cop-per! 🧡
- Why are cops great at music? They know all the notes! 🎵
- What car do police love? A siren-a! 🚗
- What do you call a sleeping cop? An undercover snorer! 😴
Cop Jokes Dark 🌑
- He said he’d die before being arrested. He wasn’t wrong. ⚰️
- “You have the right to remain silent” was the last thing he heard. 😬
- The siren isn’t for justice—it’s a funeral song for speeding. 🚨
- My shadow fled when the cops showed up. 🧍♂️
- Not all cops are bad—some are just really good at hiding it. 🕶️
Police Jokes Funny 😂🚔
- Cops are like ninjas—quiet until you’re caught. 🥷
- Wanted: A funny cop. Found: One chasing his hat in the wind. 🎩💨
- Cop: “Freeze!” Me: Popsicle mode activated 🧊
- Do cops laugh? Only when watching traffic cams. 📷
- That cop’s mustache had more authority than his badge. 👨🏻
Police Jokes Quotes 🗣️🚓
- “The long arm of the law often has short patience.”
- “Good cops arrest crime; great cops arrest hearts.” 💘
- “A police siren is the sound of justice speeding.” 🚨
- “You don’t meet a cop, you experience one.”
- “A badge is heavier than it looks.” 🏅
Best Police Jokes 🥇😂
- Cop pulled me over and said, “License?” I said, “No, but I got style.” 😎
- He gave me a ticket for attitude. Worth it. 🤷
- I waved. He waved. Then he booked me. 👋✍️
- I told him I had a lead foot. He said, “Try rubber brakes.” 🦶
- Arresting people is his cardio. 🏃
Dirty Police Jokes 😏
- She likes a man in uniform—especially handcuffs. 😉
- Wanted: A cop who’s bad… in the best way. 🔥
- They call him Officer Naughty… for a reason. 😈
- “You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.” 💘
- A police baton isn’t the only thing he knows how to swing. 💃
Police Station Jokes 🏢
- Why don’t they play poker at the police station? Too many officers bluffing!
- He walked into a station and said, ‘I lost my sense of humor.’ Cops filed a missing pun report.
- Why are police stations never haunted? Because even ghosts don’t want to do paperwork.
- There’s a vending machine at the station. It only dispenses citations.
- Cop stations are the only places where it’s okay to bring your problems in.
Police Car Jokes 🚔
- Why did the police car get promoted? Because it was driven to succeed!
- What do you call a police car that sings? A pop patrol!
- Police car speeding? It’s chasing its own siren song.
- What’s a cop’s favorite dance move? The tire spin!
- I tried talking to a police car—it just gave me static.
Traffic Police Jokes 🚦
- Why did the traffic cop bring a ladder? To catch high-speed drivers!
- What do traffic cops use for meditation? Stop signs—they help them pause.**
- Red light, green light—life’s a game to traffic cops!
- Got stopped for blinking too aggressively—cop said I looked suspicious.
- Why do traffic officers make great DJs? They know how to stop and drop beats.**
Undercover Cop Jokes 🕵️♂️
- What do you call a shy undercover cop? Low-key enforcement.
- Why did the undercover cop go to yoga? To master the art of blending in.
- His disguise was so good, even he arrested himself.
- Undercover cops: because sometimes, justice needs a mustache.
- She went to the wedding undercover—just in case love got illegal.
Rookie Police Jokes 👶
- Why did the rookie bring a map to patrol? He didn’t want to lose direction… or rank.**
- What do you call a rookie with a taser? Sparky.**
- The rookie tried to arrest a mime—took three hours of silent struggle.
- He handcuffed himself to the squad car—rookie mistake.
- Rookies read Miranda rights to a parking meter.
Detective Jokes 🕵️♀️
- Why did the detective become a poet? He loved deep cases.**
- Detectives love cold cases—especially with ice cream.
- She cracked the case wide open—then tripped on the evidence.
- Detectives don’t do puzzles. They interrogate them.
- A good detective never sleeps. Unless it’s stakeout nap time.
Police Dog Jokes 🐶
- Why did the police dog get promoted? Outstanding pawformance!**
- Sniffer dogs don’t like sarcasm—it smells fake.
- What do you call a sleepy K9? A nap-dog!**
- That dog’s bark had probable cause.
- Even the dog knows who’s guilty—it sniffed out lies.
Police Academy Jokes 🎓
- What’s the first lesson in police academy? Don’t shoot the messenger. Arrest them.**
- They failed the donut defense module.
- Their final exam? Chase a squirrel without losing breath.
- Academy motto: Protect. Serve. Survive paperwork.
- Why did the academy have a spelling test? Because arresting has two “r’s.”**
Jail and Prison Jokes ⛓️
- Why did the prisoner write a book? It was a sentence within a sentence.**
- Jail’s the only place where time actually stands still.
- They asked for light reading. Got Miranda rights.
- He escaped once—then came back for visiting hours.
- Even the bars can’t hold back this sense of humor.
Police Chase Jokes 🏃♂️
- Why did the suspect bring running shoes? Just in case of pursuit.**
- Cop: Freeze! Suspect: Is that a suggestion or command?
- Chase music sponsored by sirens and fear.
- Ran from a cop. Lost a shoe. Gained a criminal record.
- Cops chasing criminals: real-life tag champions.
Police Puns 😇
- Cops don’t retire—they go on permanent patrol leave.
- He was a badge guy—always attracted to authority.
- She found the law irresistible. It had her under arrest.
- A cop’s favorite vegetable? Beets. Especially during a beat patrol.
- Don’t mess with law enforcement—puns intended.
Police Puns (Dirty) 🔞
- When she said ‘frisk me’, I thought it was foreplay.
- He wrote citations in lipstick—guess who’s into roleplay?
- Even their handcuffs blushed.
- That uniform hides more than justice.
- He took me downtown—literally and metaphorically.
Police and Donuts Jokes 🍩
- Why did the cop sit near the donut? Stakeout.**
- Cops love donuts—they have arresting flavor.
- No one outruns a cop with sugar motivation.
- Frosted, filled, or cuffed—always prepared.
- Found a suspect. Rewarded myself with sprinkles.
Police Humor Quotes 📝
- “Arrest your fear with courage.”
- “Being a cop means laughing through red tape.”
- “Protect and serve—with a side of sass.”
- “Policing is 10% crime, 90% coffee.”
- “Behind every badge is a pun-loving heart.”
Situational Police Jokes 📍
- In a hostage crisis? Cops don’t clown—unless it’s funny.
- At a school talk, officer said, “Don’t try this at recess.”
- Caught jaywalking during donut hour. Mistake!
- Traffic cop at a dance: issued citations for bad moves.
- Neighborhood watch? More like watch-me-joke patrol.
Flirty Police Jokes 💘
- Are you under arrest? Because I can’t stop staring.
- You must be a cop—because you just cuffed my heart.
- Flirting is legal unless it leads to an emotional lockdown.
- He had a warrant—for her attention.
- Cop: “Freeze!” Me: “Only if we’re slow dancing.”
Police Costume Jokes 🎭
- Why did he wear a cop outfit on Halloween? For arresting looks.**
- Fake cop, real laughter.
- She wore the badge like it matched her heels.
- That costume got more attention than real patrols.
- Roleplay turned into patrol-play.
Retirement Police Jokes 👴
- He retired, but still pulls over kids for candy.
- No more citations—just vacation violations.
- Traded sirens for snores.
- Still wears the badge to the supermarket.
- Retired cops never rest—just rest in lawn chairs.
Police Partner Jokes 👯♂️
- Cops work in pairs—to share donuts and blame.
- Partnered since day one. Argued since day two.
- They finish each other’s… traffic stops.
- Shared a car. Shared a stomachache. Donut overdose.
- Two cops, one ticket, five punchlines.
Cop TV Show Jokes 📺
- Watched cop shows for “training.”
- TV cops never miss—but miss meals.
- CSI? More like “Can’t Solve It.”
- Reality TV has nothing on real arrests.
- Cop dramas: where puns meet plot twists.
Police Tech Jokes 💻
- The cop’s password was ‘justice123’.
- He tased the keyboard—tech rage.
- Printer jammed? Called IT and backup.
- New app: TicketMaster Pro.
- Drone surveillance? More like drone sarcasm.
Police Radio Jokes 📻
- Radioed in a joke. Dispatcher laughed too hard to respond.
- Cop: ‘Copy?’ Me: ‘Paste?’
- They argued over channel names.
- Siren static equals funky beats.
- Radio code for humor: 10-Funny.
Police Holiday Jokes 🎄
- Arresting Santa for breaking and entering.
- Thanksgiving patrol: stuffing citations.
- Fourth of July? Sirens beat fireworks.
- Valentine’s: Hearts under arrest.
- Halloween: Too many ghost reports.
Female Cop Jokes 👮♀️
- She cuffed him—with sass.
- Gave him a ticket—and a life lesson.
- Beauty, brains, and backup.
- Her high heels have jurisdiction.
- She arrested sexism, one stare at a time.
International Police Jokes 🌍
- British cop: ‘Oi! That’s illegal—AND impolite!’
- German police: precise, polite, and punctual.
- Italian cop: ‘Mama mia, not another scooter chase!’
- French police: ‘We arrest with charm.’
- Pakistani cop: ‘Chalan bhi milega, chai bhi.’
Legendary Police Jokes 🏅
- This cop once arrested a hurricane—for disorderly conduct.
- He cited gravity—for pulling people down.
- She once gave a speeding ticket to time itself.
- Patrolled the future—wrote tickets in advance.
- Legend says his handcuffs double as boomerangs.
Final Thoughts 🚓💬
From cheeky one-liners to hilarious dirty puns, these police jokes prove that even the law has a sense of humor!
Whether you’re looking to lighten the mood, break the ice, or just share a laugh with friends, this massive collection has something for everyone—from kids giggling at silly knock-knocks to adults chuckling at cleverly crafted dirty zingers.
Remember, the best jokes aren’t just about punchlines—they’re about timing, tone, and the right audience.
So, pick your favorite quip, flash that smile like a badge, and let laughter enforce the law. 😄🚨
Humor is universal. And just like a good cop, a good joke is always on duty. 👮♂️✨
