230+ Funny and Clean Bagel Jokes Everyone Will Enjoy For 2025

Nothing beats a warm, chewy bagel—except maybe a fresh batch of bagel jokes! Whether you’re a breakfast lover, a brunch fanatic, or just someone who enjoys a good laugh, these bagel puns are here to brighten your day.

Grab your coffee, spread some cream cheese, and let’s roll into the funniest bagel humor on the internet.

Funny Bagel Jokes to Start Your Day ☀️

I like my mornings like I like my bagels—toasted and full of holes.
A bagel’s life motto? “Donut worry, be happy!”
Bagels don’t argue… they just roll with it.
The bagel went to therapy—it had a hole lot of issues.
Bagels are like mornings—better with coffee.
I donut know what I’d do without my bagel.
Bagels are proof that life is full of endless possibilities.
Bagels don’t cheat… they’re always honestly round.
What did the bagel say to the toaster? “Stop burning bridges!”
Bagels are just donuts that went to college.
Life is butter with a bagel.
My bagel is so smart—it got into Yale cream cheese.
The bagel never lies—it’s always well-rounded.
Bagels don’t brag… they’re just wholesome.
A bagel’s favorite exercise? Roll-ups.

Best Bagel Puns That Are “Hole”some 😂

Bagels are the hole package.
Without bagels, life feels a bit empty inside.
A bagel’s job application? “I’m well-rounded.”
Bagels are just donuts with a college degree.
Every bagel has a hole story.
Bagels and friends are both better when shared.
You’re my butter half on this bagel.
Bagels have holes, but they still fill your soul.
Bagels are never lost—they always come back around.
Bagels don’t fight—they’re peacefully round.
Bagels are loyal—they stick with you through thick and schmear.
Bagels don’t age—they just get toasted.
Bagels are the circle of brunch life.
Without bagels, brunch is just a sad sandwich.
Bagels keep life rolling in circles.

Cream Cheese Bagel Jokes 🧀

You complete me like a bagel and cream cheese.
Without cream cheese, bagels are just plain sad.
Spread love as thick as cream cheese on a bagel.
Cream cheese makes bagels feel special.
A bagel without cream cheese is like a joke without punch.
The cream cheese said to the bagel: “You make me melt.”
Bagel relationships? Always spread evenly.
Cream cheese is the glue that holds mornings together.
Bagels without cream cheese are like pizza without cheese.
You schmear me right ‘round like a bagel.
Cream cheese is a bagel’s soulmate.
I only spread good vibes (and cream cheese).
Bagel fights end with extra schmear.
Bagels and cream cheese are proof that some things are just meant to be.
Happiness is a fresh bagel with cream cheese.

Breakfast Bagel Jokes 🍳

Bagels: the true breakfast champions.
Mornings without bagels are un-toast-acceptable.
Bagels don’t snooze… they rise.
Breakfast isn’t complete without a round of applause—or a round bagel.
Bagels and eggs are the perfect pair.
Breakfast without a bagel? That’s a hole new level of sad.
Bagels are the best morning pick-me-up.
Bagels say, “Good morning, sunshine—let’s roll!”
Bagels are morning’s way of saying, “You got this.”
Bagels don’t judge—they just fuel.
Bagels > cereal. End of debate.
Bagels are like morning hugs you can eat.
You know it’s going to be a good day when your bagel is toasted perfectly.
The sun rises, and so do bagels.
Bagels are morning’s secret weapon.

Everything Bagel Jokes 🌿

I’m an everything bagel kind of person—I want it all.
Life’s better when you’re a little everything.
Bagels with everything are the true overachievers.
The bagel with everything said: “I’m extra.”
Everything bagels are like life—a little messy, but worth it.
Too much on your plate? Be an everything bagel.
Bagels prove you really can have everything.
An everything bagel is the jack of all snacks.
Bagels with everything = flavor explosion.
Bagels don’t limit themselves—they go for everything.
Everything bagels are seasoned professionals.
An everything bagel never feels incomplete.
Bagels with everything are just show-offs.
Life goal: Be as bold as an everything bagel.
Everything bagels are the party animals of breakfast.

Bagel and Coffee Jokes ☕

Bagels and coffee = the dream team.
A bagel without coffee feels un-brew-lievable.
Coffee wakes me up, bagels keep me rolling.
Bagels and coffee—better together.
My love life? Just me, my coffee, and a bagel.
Bagels and coffee: the power couple of mornings.
Coffee without a bagel is just bittersweet.
Bagels dunked in coffee? That’s true romance.
Coffee says, “Stay awake,” bagel says, “Stay happy.”
Bagels and coffee are my kind of brew-tiful morning.
Life happens, bagels and coffee help.
Bagels with coffee = instant motivation.
Bagels love coffee—it’s their better half.
Coffee fuels, bagels fulfill.
Together, bagels and coffee espresso joy.

Bagel Birthday Jokes 🎉

Have a bagel-icious birthday!
Birthdays are better with bagels and cake.
You’re the birthday bagel—everyone’s favorite.
Another year older, still as fresh as a bagel.
Bagel candles? Now that’s a party.
You’re the cream cheese to my birthday bagel.
Age is just a number—bagels don’t count holes.
Birthday wishes taste better on a bagel.
Bagels bring joy, especially on birthdays.
Birthdays and bagels = the perfect celebration.
You’re bagel-tastic, birthday star!
A birthday without bagels is a party with a hole.
Bagel balloons? Somebody call the baker!
Wishing you a bagel-full of happiness.
Bagels don’t age—they just get more toasted.

Bagel Jokes for Kids 🧒

Why did the bagel cross the road? To get to the schmear side.
What do you call a bagel on vacation? A roll-away.
Why are bagels always calm? Because they just go in circles.
What’s a bagel’s favorite movie? The Lord of the Rings.
How do bagels greet each other? “Long time no seed.”
What’s a bagel’s favorite dance? The roll and twist.
Why did the bagel go to school? To get a little bread-ucation.
What’s a bagel’s favorite sport? Dough-ball.
Why are bagels so popular? They’re always well-rounded.
What’s a bagel’s favorite subject? History—it’s full of holes.
Why was the bagel nervous? It was going to the toastmaster’s club.
What did the bagel say to the butter? “You melt me.”
Why are bagels good friends? Because they’re always wholesome.
What’s a bagel’s favorite toy? Dough-minoes.
Why did the bagel blush? Because it saw the toaster undressing.

Conclusion 🎉🥯

And there you have it—a hole lot of bagel jokes to make your day brighter! Whether you love everything bagels, plain bagels, or the perfect cream cheese spread, laughter makes them even tastier.

Next time you’re at brunch, share a few of these jokes and watch the table burst into giggles. Remember, life’s always better when you keep it well-rounded… just like a bagel!